


home is when i'm alone with you

by sheroars



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-04-26 15:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 19,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14404866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheroars/pseuds/sheroars
Summary: Bunches of unrelated scenes and one-shots.





	1. Time Out

She found him lying face down on the bed surrounded by papers when she got home from picking up Noah from Lucy's.

 

"What are you doing?" She couldn't help but laugh at him a little, kicking off her shoes and shrugging off her coat. He was wearing his serious-work-time sweatpants but didn't appear to have gotten very far. He turned his head enough to speak without being extremely muffled.

 

"Taking a break from existing."

 

"Oh." She pushed some papers towards the headboard before lying down, mirroring his position but with her cheek pillowed on her arm. He opened one eye and gave her a mildly amused once over. 

 

"What are you doing?"

 

"Taking a break from existing with you." Feet padded down the hallway.

 

"Mama, Rafa can we-" He stopped short in the doorway and giggled. "Whatcha doin?"

 

"We're taking a break from existing, Noah." He scrambled up on the bed, straddling Rafael's waist at first before copying his mother's relaxed pose, acting as if this were an everyday occurrence.

 

"Oomph." Rafael exhaled sharply as the little boy's weight blanketed his shoulders and back. "Thanks guys." He said, slightly wheezy.

 

"After our break, can we get pizza?" Noah whispered. Olivia snorted. He had asked at least twelve times on the way home. 

 

"Noah no." She whispered.

 

"Noah yes." Rafael whispered indignantly.

 

"Overruled." Noah quipped, making both Rafael and Olivia bubble over with laughter. 


	2. Permanent

The wind was howling. He could already tell it would be one of those April mornings that felt like winter. She was facing away from him in bed. Nude. Glorious. He blinked away the vestiges of sleep and took her in. Soft curls. Tan skin. Gentle breathing.

 

He shifted closer, curling himself around her. He slipped a hand up her back and around her waist, feeling puckers and ripples of skin under his fingertips. Numerous scars. Some burns. Too many stories to count. He traced him thumb along the black swirls permanently inked into her left side, just above her hip. _Noah_. She sleepily found his hand and pulled his arm around herself, rolling onto her stomach and pulling him half on top of her. She sighed as she fully regained consciousness.

 

He kissed the back of her neck and buried his face in her hair. Their linked fingers were trapped beneath her belly.

 

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, voice husky after a long and solid rest. It sent a shudder down his spine. He thought about calling in sick. Bronchitis. Bird Flu. The plague. Anything to stay here. 

 

"Putting your name on my body." He mumbled against her ear.

 

"If you want to break up, just say so." She joked, yawning.

 

"Never pegged you as the suspicious type." He said, also fighting a yawn as he kissed the tops of her shoulders. Slow and open mouthed. Her back flexed pleasurably. She rubbed her legs against his. It started to rain outside. He almost dozed off again, listening to her breathe. 

 

"Where would you put it?" She asked.

 

"Mmmmm your name?"

 

"Mmmhmm."  He contemplated the idea before carefully sliding his hand up from her belly to lie flat underneath her right breast, cupping the rib as if it were sacred. She hummed, pleased with his decision. "Me too." She mumbled, on the cusp of sleep again. They probably had a handful of minutes before their alarms went off. Before their days started. Before their jobs took them to the opposite sides of Manhattan. She turned her head towards him, nuzzling her face against his.   

Yah. 

She was under his skin anyway. 

     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The author is stressed, please submit requests!


	3. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: caught in Liv's office (everyone's favorite trope lol)

"Good morning sleeping beauty." Finn said, looking entirely too amused as Sonny walked in late for the second time this week. He was red in the face with apology coffees and a box of donuts already in hand for the whole squad, who had worked a scene without him this morning. 

"Just tell her why, she'll understand." Amanda giggled. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sonny said. She raised an eyebrow and tapped on the side of her neck. "SHIT." He whipped out his phone to check for a hicky. He found none and swore again. Amanda and Finn snorted with laughter before high-fiving. 

"He's cuffed." Finn confirmed. 

"It's the girl next door, right?" Amanda needled. 

"Is not." He said, facing burning even more. He looked toward his boss's office for an out. The blinds and door were shut tight. "Is Lieu in?" 

"All morning, thanks to you." Amanda said. "Almost time to lay out the prelims, anyway. You guys ready?" Finn got up and started pushing one of their whiteboards towards Liv's office. The scene had been tricky and there was a ton of stuff to go through. "Okay, but who is it then?" Sonny ignored her, following Finn's lead. "You gotta tell us, we've been trying to figure this out for weeks now. It's gotta be the girl next door. Why's it a secret?" 

"Some detectives you are." Sonny said, opening Liv's office door without knocking. "It's not the girl next door. It's the guy upstairs." 

"WHAT." 

"HELLO."

"JESUS." Frantic reactions came from two different directions. They rolled into the office pretending that Sonny wasn't tomato red, Amanda and Finn weren't having an existential crisis, and that Rafael Barba had definitely not been pressing Olivia to the wall next to the interrogation viewing window. His mouth had definitely not been attached to her neck. She had definitely not been laughing. And now he definitely wasn't standing a little too close with his hands a little too deep in his pockets either. 

"Morning Barba. Long time, no see. Sorry about this morning, Lieu. Phone died." Sonny handed Olivia a coffee and opened the box of donuts on her couch as they settled in for their meeting.

"Don't mention it." She choked out, laughing a little to diffuse the tension. "Can I walk you out, Rafael?" 

"Please." He cleared his throat. 

"Be right back." The two of them swept out of the office. 

"Unbelievable." Finn said as the door slammed behind them. 

"What?" Amanda said, still slightly paralyzed by the events of the past minute. 

"Everyone around here is getting laid but me." Amanda and Sonny choked on their coffee, laughing so hard they cried. 

"When are we gonna meet your boyfriend?" Amanda sucked in a breath, attempting to calm herself down, before taking a donut. 

"Never." Sonny laughed. "You guys are the worst." 

~

The precinct was quiet. The bullpen was always slow on Sunday mornings. 

"I'm so sorry." Olivia whispered anyway as they got into the elevator, putting an embarrassed hand over her face. He pulled her fingers away, cupped her face, and kissed her hard and fast. Unapologetic. She was a private person by nature and getting caught in a…moment…was probably her worst nightmare. 

"It’s the least of our problems, Liv." He said, stepping back before the doors open. As he left she held on to his hand as long as she could, leaning on the elevator threshold to keep it open. He looked back at her when his fingertips lost touch with hers. She was flushed…but beaming too. "See you tonight?" 

"Absolutely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt me!


	4. Bad Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: running into an ex while on a date

He watched them from across the bar. Unabashedly stared. He was in a corner booth with two other guys and the joint was full of cops tonight. He was growing a bit of a beard. Nobody would see him unless they were looking for him.

 

They were all laughing at something the skinny guy was saying as he re-enacted some sort of goofy slow-motion run as a part of a story. Rollins and Olivia were sitting at the corner bar, shaking their heads and exchanging embarrassed looks. Finn was ordering a round of shots. Good old Don Cragen was in town, getting his usual wings and club soda. They must have been celebrating something. The suit was standing behind Olivia. Well…his suit jacket was hanging off the back of her chair and he had ditched the suspenders for once. He had heard he wasn't even doing law anymore. Not after the nightmare of a trial way back when. The man rolled up his sleeves and accepted the whiskey Finn passed him. He said something to the skinny guy that made them all laugh again. They toasted to Cragen.

 

He thought about moving. Talking to her. God. It had been _forever_. A year at least. But he'd have to wade through a sea of cops who he didn't exactly see eye to eye with to do that. He waited.

 

She still made his jaw drop. Hair pulled back in that messy way that used to make his heart stop first thing in the morning. The lawyer bent to whisper something in her ear and something like a lead pipe hit him square in the gut when she laughed.

 

He left through the back door. Lit a cigarette with the handful of guys smoking by the door. He passed through the alley and the couple groping each other by the dumpster. He turned the corner just in time to run directly into them as they left the bar. She nearly ran square into his chest. Son of a bitch.  

 

"Shit, I'm sorry. Oh- Brian?"

 

"Hey Liv." He couldn't help but soften a little, despite the fact that the lawyer's coat was around her shoulders.   

 

"Rafael Barba, Brian Cassidy. You two know each other." She said a little dumbly, obviously unprepared to deal with the situation. They shook hands, seemingly polite. She squinted, knowing full well they were doing the whole squeeze-too-hard-until-someone-taps-out handshake shit. Brian cleared his throat and took his hand back.

 

"You look good, Liv." He said before striding away. Rafael cringed as they kept walking. Olivia looked confused and a little hurt.

 

"Did he try to hurt you?" She said as they came to a stop on a busy corner, waiting for the walk signal. She picked up his hand.

 

"No. He was just trying to look tough." He said, squeezing her fingers before letting them go, sliding his arm around her waist instead. She came to his side willingly.

 

"Did _you_ try to-"

 

"No." They laughed lightly, diffusing the tension. They crossed the street. "He was staring at us in the bar." He said quietly. 

 

"The whole time?" She bristled.

 

"The last half hour or so. Not at all creepy or anything." Rafael joked.

 

"Idiot." She spat, equally frustrated that she hadn't noticed it herself. He raised a surprised eyebrow as they came to a stop on the street where the Uber was going to pick them up. "It's like he enjoys putting a bad taste in my mouth now." He kissed her cheek. She welcomed the gesture, smiling and turning her face to kiss him on the lips. Soft and slow. Lingering. 

 

"You don't owe each other anything. You know that. He's still figuring it out." Rafael surmised at their car arrived and they got in. He confirmed the address with the driver. His place. She sighed and sat in the middle seat so she could put her head on his shoulder and close her eyes, swinging his jacket around to her cover her like a blanket. He draped an arm across her lap beneath the cover. She wrapped her own around his bicep. She was once again deeply appreciative that she didn't have to explain anything to him. He knew. 

 

"Shit." She said, sitting up abruptly. "You made reservations tonight, didn't you?"

 

"I pushed them back when you caught the case." He said. Serial rapist attacking at random in retirement homes. Not pretty. She smiled apologetically. "As for the date you owe me…" She laughed again, settling back on his shoulder. "I have a bottle of merlot with our names on it."


	5. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: getting ready together

She sang in the shower. The one time he attempted to tell her it was cute she threatened to murder him with her bare hands and hide his remains in three separate public parks if he told anyone.

 

_"I mean it. Not even Melissa Warner will find you. Or me."_

 

She listened to the radio so it was a lot of top 40 hits. Some oldies. They lived in New York so, of course, show tunes. Occasionally one of Noah's incessant cartoon jingles made it in there. But even he found himself singing the Wonder Pets theme song from time to time. He nearly up and died the time he heard her singing Selena's Dreaming of You.

 

Whenever she needed to crash while working a case she stayed at his place. Lucy stayed with Noah. They would go to bed and wake up, grab some breakfast, and go their separate ways again. He liked the way her clothes looked in his closet more than he cared to admit.  

 

It was Friday morning and they were both due in court. The sun had barely risen. He was shaving. She was humming to herself.

 

"Is that from Dear Evan Hansen?" He asked.

 

"Shut up." He laughed. The shower shut off. She stood next to him wearing nothing but a towel and dried her hair. He caught her eye in the mirror. She gave him a tired smile. He rinsed and dried his face before kissing her shoulder as he left, mentally putting together a suit for the day. "If you're wearing the black suit wear that green tie." She suggested, putting on a bit of makeup.

 

"Is the honorable Judge Erickson fond of green?" She snorted.

 

"No, I am. And it brings out your eyes."

 

"Have you been watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy again?"

 

"Maybe."

 

"My Netflix suggestions don't lie." He sighed in mock exasperation.

 

"Busted." She laughed, dropping her towel as she joined him in the bedroom and searching for clothes. He stopped in the middle of buttoning his shirt and groaned, taking in the view as she slid on some matching lacy boy shorts and a bra. Thank God, Allah, and the Pantheon it was Friday.  She shot him an amused look over her shoulder as she put on some dress pants. "Focus, counselor."  

 

"On what, exactly?" He cleared his throat.

 

"On the fact that I'm off the clock from 5 pm today till Tuesday and Lucy has Noah till Saturday night."

 

"Right." She didn't bother putting on a shirt before wrapping her arms around his neck. He sighed happily, pulling her into a tight embrace before leaning in to kiss her. She put her fingers over his lips and kissed his cheek.     

 

"And we'll be late if we don't leave in like…10 minutes."

 

"Right again." He said against her hand, kissing her anyway when she removed it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt me!


	6. Function

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: going to a work function

It was a stunning dress. Fitted perfectly. Deep purple. Lace. Long sleeves and plunging neckline. Thigh high slit up the side. His mouth was dry. She slipped her feet into some black flats, giving him an excellent view of the length of her right leg. He watched it all from the floor length mirror of their hotel room, adjusting his bow tie and almost twisting the damn thing off in the process.

 

"Preciosa." _Gorgeous_. Her eyes flicked up to meet his. He swallowed. "Radiante." _Radiant. Splendid._      

 

"Good to see an impulse buy pay off." She said, mildly embarrassed, tucking hair behind her ear. It was pin straight and sleek tonight.        

 

He had been to a lot of black tie functions in his day. Grandiose schmoozing affairs. Too much alcohol, droning speakers, small talk, political tangents, and out of tune live music usually combined to make a miserable evening. Fundraisers. Benefits. Political causes. The works. This was his first as a professor. An event for Columbia. Ivy League tier patrons and the like. They were making a weekend of it, staying in the same hotel as the gala.  

 

She wordlessly came over to help him with his cufflinks.

 

"Stunning." He said, nuzzling into her neck and brushing kisses below her ear as she secured the clasps on his right wrist and then the left. She sucked in a breath as his hands dropped to caress her hips, mouth switching to the other side of her neck.  

 

"You're going to need to throw in some nouns and verbs to make it through the night." She teased. He pulled his head up, looking so happy he was borderline dopey. She pushed up on her toes, kissing him soundly, getting another taste of the wine they had with their dinner earlier. The food at these things were notoriously bad after all. "Ready?"

 

"As I'll ever be." He put on his jacket. She grabbed her clutch. "Thank you for this." He said in the elevator.

 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." She said, looping an arm through his. 

 

It was a terribly fancy venue complete with towering ceilings, candlelight, string orchestra, ice sculptures, and a hundred and fifty or so outrageously dressed men and women. They drank champagne and shook hands with dozen of Rafael's colleagues. She could barely keep track. She was quite the hot topic as one of the youngest women there that wasn't one of the selected Columbia students. They were seated at a large round table near the front of the room. The president spoke for nearly half an hour, followed by a few equally incoherent and boring deans. They thumb wrestled under the table and whispered back and forth to pass the time. The student speakers were marvelous. Dreamers and immigrants, first generation college students, high academic achievers, and combinations thereof were all represented. They threw totally unsubtle jabs about the lavishness of the gala and the financial struggles simultaneously impressed upon the student body. The newly hired professors got to speak too…Rafael and two others.

 

Olivia felt tears prick in her eyes as he introduced himself to the community. Rafael Barba. A lawyer, not an academic. A second generation immigrant from the Bronx. A man that made as many mistakes as he successes. Someone determined to change the way the legal system operated around marginalized youth, neglected children, and people of color. There was lots of handshaking afterwards. Lots more champagne and Moscow Mules and fruity cocktails. The students talked to him at length, a lot of it in rapid fire Spanish. Before the head of the law school could pull him away for what would inevitably be a 30 minute conversation, Rafael led Olivia onto the crowded dance floor.

 

"Am I still coherent? I haven't heard a word I've said all night." She draped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. They rocked lazily back and forth to the jazzy music. 

 

"You're perfect." She encouraged him. The department head ended up being more interested in Olivia than Rafael. They spent another hour exchanging small talk before slipping away. She kicked her shoes off as soon as they were past the door and raced him to the elevator. He gasped for breath in between bouts of laughter, ripping off the bowtie. They were half drunk and wholly relieved to be free. Back in their room she immediately went out onto the balcony to look down on the city. He joined her once he hung up his coat and ditched his shoes. They leaned on the railing shoulder to shoulder and watched the night take over the city.         


	7. Just You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** CHAPTER IS RATED M+/E *** 
> 
> Prompts: not making date night dinner reservations + discussing fantasy (combo) 
> 
> \--> placed sometime early in the relationship development...soapbox: all couples should negotiate their boundaries when it comes to intimate relationships! it's healthy AND can be sexy! kbye!

They never made it to the restaurant.

 

The plans hadn't been that elaborate in the first place, but Lucia had taken Noah for the night and the minute they were alone in her apartment, any and all plans had been slam dunked into the nearest trashcan.

 

She sighed from beneath him, deliciously relaxed despite the back that his full weight was pressed against her. He shifted slightly to the side, linking their fingers and pinning her right arm to the bed. He trailed loud, wet kisses from her wrist to her elbow. She bit her lip and wrapped her legs around his thigh as he worked up the inside of her bicep.

 

"Worth it?" She asked, in reference to the spoiled dinner plans.

 

"Yes. Fuck yes." He nipped at her ear before rolling off of her, disposing of the condom, and kicking his pants all the way off. She pulled her panties and skirt off her left ankle and dropped them on the floor, unhooking her bra as he got back into bed. He resumed his position in her arms once they were both finally (blessedly) naked and kissed her with abandon. "Do you want to-?" His hand trailed down her stomach suggestively. She laughed breathlessly.  

 

"More? Oh yah. In a bit. Please." He suckled on her collar bone. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked at the ceiling. 

 

"Tell me what you want, Liv."  

 

"You." He grinned against her neck, finally backing up to look at her. He propped himself on an elbow, looking somewhat serious.

 

"I need details detective." Their was a softness to it that she didn't expect. This wasn't dirty. This was curiosity. Research. "Don't be shy." He sucked in a breath, going a little red in the cheeks. "I really want to know what you like. I don't want to just…guess."

 

"You're sweet." She leaned in to press a kiss to his chest. She bit her lip as she thought. She settled against the pillows and brought him down into another kiss. "I like your mouth. Everywhere." She started. He began to lick and suck at her neck in a dizzying fashion. "I like biting. Not hard enough break skin but-" He applied his mouth to her shoulder and she swallowed a moan. "There you go." She gasped. He snickered. "I like when you kiss me through it. Keep me a little breathless." She continued. He rested his cheek against hers and let his fingers drop between her thighs again. "God, Rafa-"

 

"Tell me more."

 

"I'm pretty vanilla." She admitted. "I like feeling you against me, but I don't like being forced down." She swallowed. "No role playing or name calling or costumes…"

 

"Of course." She lost her train of thought at his fingers began to work her again.

 

"Nothing too extra. Just you. But I like everything you do. Everything we've done and are doing. You always make me feel good." She sighed, pulling his hand away from her and kissing him deeply. "I'm always up to try something new. And I'll say something if it's not right." She reassured him.

 

"Thank you." He kissed her forehead. Tenderly. Grateful for her honesty.

 

"Return the favor?" He almost choked when she put the two fingers he had been touching her with in her mouth. 

 

"Hold it. Look at it. Sing a song to it. I'm good." She laughed so hard she threw her head back.

 

"I'm serious. What can I do for you, Rafael?" 

 

"I mean, we've touched all the bases." He said, kissing her lightly. "Seeing you naked, multiple times…" She snorted. He kissed her again. "Lace. Silk. You wearing my clothes. Bathtub. Shower. Counter. Floor. Couch…"

 

"Oh my god." She was keening with laughter as he blew a raspberry against her neck. He waited till she settled again, looking at him with those big beautiful eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I like laughing. And taking my time. Delaying the inevitable a bit."

 

"Me too."

 

"I'm still figuring the rest out as I go." He admitted.

 

"That's okay." She smiled, kissing his cheeks and jaw and neck in quick succession. "Don't be afraid to ask." 

 

"Same to you." He said, pressing his forehead to hers, suddenly intensely glad this is where they ended up tonight. They kissed leisurely. 

 

"Want to order Chinese and stay in bed all night?" She suggested. 

 

"I think we found my kink." She giggled and reached for her phone. He snatched it so he could place the order and pay for it himself.

 

It was date night, after all. 

      


	8. Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: protective Liv

You could forget she was a cop sometimes.

 

As a Lieutenant she was behind the desk more often than she was in the field and somedays she didn't even wear a gun. But one just had to watch her triple check the locks of wherever she was before going to bed at night to be reminded of it. She had a protective spirit that started out a self preservation but quickly molded itself into a shield she threw around her friends and loved ones without so much as a second thought.     

 

~

 

One Saturday morning she borrowed a drill from his landlord and he found her sitting cross legged with the front door open, screws dangling from her mouth as she started working on his locks.

 

"Can I help you?" He asked amusedly, pouring another cup of coffee. 

 

"You need a better deadbolt. And the screws in your strike plate are only three quarters of an inch long." She said matter-of-factly, before systematically taking all of the hardware out of his door. There was a determined and slightly stressed furrow in her brow. He quietly knelt on the floor next to her and waited. She had bought a whole new lock and key system, a new deadbolt, and new screws. She knew he was waiting for an explanation. She sighed and bit her lip, a little embarrassed.

 

"Carisi's place got broken into last night. He was out. A neighbor scared the guy off before he could take anything. The door was on it's hinges. This is like, home security 101…" Rafael pulled an amused face. He kissed her cheek. The embarrassment melted and she turned serious.    

 

"Do tell." He encouraged her.        

 

"He had a cheap pressboard door in the first place, so you're doing great there." She rapped her knuckles against the solid wood. All the apartments in his building had them. "But a deadbolt this size only needs about 20 pounds of pressure to break. That's nothing if someone wants in. A chain really doesn't do anything. Tiny screws-" She held up the three quarter inch screws that she had removed from the dead bold strike plate. "-only need a few kicks to come loose." She showed him the new lock system and the three inch screws she was replacing his with. "At the very least this buys you time and will serious mess up somebody's leg if they can get past it in the first place." She said. "I've been doing this every place I've lived since I joined the force. I did it for Finn, he did it for Amanda, and now she's doing it for Sonny…"

 

"And he'll do it for every Carisi adjacent friend or family member in the city limits."

 

"Oh yah. He'll be great at parties." They chuckled. He continued to watch as she put his door back together again, learning as much as he could. He hadn't handled power tools since he moved out of his mother's apartment. She let him drive some screws home. He took her chin in his hand and kissed her.

 

"Thank you." 

 

~

 

She walked between him and the street. Always. Shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, or arm in arm. If she started on the inside of the sidewalk, with him between herself and the curb, she would always manage to switch their positions. She hailed the cabs. She took the lead.

 

"Everything okay?" He asked one Thursday night as they walked back to her apartment from a new bar they were trying. She walked in the gutter so she could stand between him and the street.

 

"Yep." She smiled, a little tipsy. He took a step to the left and pulled her with him, sliding a hand into her back pocket to keep her close, letting her know that he was keen on her pattern. She shrugged. "Force of habit." It clicked. Noah. She always walked like this with Noah. He laughed. She slipped her hand under his coat and held on to one of his suspenders, holding him just as close.  

 

~

 

A loud series of bangs came from somewhere in the street. Gunshots. Close. It wasn't unusual for New York. Sirens wailed. Cars honked. Life went on. 

 

But it was too close for comfort and too out of the ordinary, apparently, since he woke up with his face pressed to the mattress and her arms thrown around his head and neck in a protective cover.

 

"Liv?"

 

"Stay there." She gasped, leaping out of bed to look outside and then check on Noah. She sheepishly closed the door again when she was certain all was well. "I thought-"

 

"I know. It probably was." He sat up in bed. He could feel her pulse pounding as he wrapped his arms around her. "My hero." He teased.

 

"Shut up." He sank back into bed with her. She tucked her head under his chin, adrenaline keeping her from falling back to sleep again. "I'm sorry. I always flinch."

 

"Oh mi Amada…" _My beloved._  "I never feel as safe as I do here with you."   

 

"Ditto." She yawned.    


	9. Tune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Rafael singing his feelings

It had been a day. A shitty day. The queen mother of all shitty fucking days. He knew it the minute she met him at Forlini's and he saw that her eyes. They were red.

 

"Let's go." He said. She could have cried again.

 

They went to his place. She laid on his side of the bed in one of his v neck tee shirts, resisting the urge to curl up into a ball like a child for all of five minutes. He came from the kitchen with a big glass of water. She accepted it gratefully. He connected his phone to the blue tooth speaker on the bedside table. She closed her eyes as he played something soft. Elton John. One of her favorites. He kissed her cheek and squeezed her arm. He went about locking up the apartment. Changing his clothes and rinsing off the day. He hummed as he examined himself in the mirror, racking his brains for the right thing to say. Something to make her smile. Something comforting. Something to make it okay.  

 

"Raf-" She called to him as he got lost in thought. He switched out the lights and joined her. The music shuffled. Something more instrumental started to play. She was sitting up, cross legged. Looking hollowed and vacant. Crying. He quickly sat on the edge of the bed next to her, taking her hands in his own. She started to speak three times but quickly gave up and collapsed against him. He bit his lip and stroked her hair back, gathering her up in his arms and pulling her into his lap. He kissed the side of her face a half dozen times before sucking in a breath to steady himself. She didn't let people see her like this all that often. She sobbed once. Twice. He continued to card his fingers through her hair as she hid her face in his shoulder. "Finn took a bullet today." She finally explained, in a wet whisper. "He'll be okay, but for a minute there we…I-I thought he died in my arms. He's my oldest friend and I-I wasn't paying close enough attention. It was my fault again-"

 

"No, no, no. No." He said. "I know that's not true."

 

"He's hurt."

 

"I'm so sorry." He mumbled. "I don't know what to do. What can I do?" She shook her head, tightening her arms around him. He was doing it.

 

"I'm so stupid."

 

"You're not, Olivia."

 

"I don't know what I'm doing." She said.   

 

The music shuffled again. Sinatra. He rocked her, trying to offer as much comfort as he could. God. He would do anything, if he could, to shoulder some of them pain. 

 

 

_You are the promised kiss of springtime_   
_That makes the lonely winter seem long_   
_You are the breathless hush of evening_   
_That trembles on the brink of a lovely song_   
  
_You are the angel glow that lights the star_   
_The dearest things that I know are what you are_   
_Someday my happy arms will hold you_   
_And someday I'll know that moment divine_   
_When all the things you are, are mine_   
  
_You are the angel glow that lights the star_   
_The dearest things that I know are what you are_   
_Someday my happy arms will hold you_   
_And someday I'll know that moment divine_   
_When all the things you are, are mine_

 

He didn't realize he had been singing until her fingers came up to caress his chin. She kissed the side of his neck and breathed deeply. Shakily. "Rafael." She said.

 

"Sorry."

 

"Don't let me go." She said, tone weighty with a thousand other things. _Keep me here. Keep me sane._ He reached out a hand to turn off the lamp and plunge them into total darkness. 

 

"I'm here." 

 

"Sing some more." He laughed lightly. Nervously.   

 

"Okay."     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt me!


	10. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Barba in danger + protective Liv

Lucia picked up the phone on the third ring.

 

"Rafi let me call you back I'm-"

 

"Mrs. Barba..."

 

"Olivia?" Lucia stopped abruptly and sucked in a breath. "Is everything okay?"

 

"No." She croaked, internally cursing herself. She had done calls like this and worse a hundred times. "It's not."

 

"Which hospital?"

 

"St. Michael's."

 

"Is he alive?"

 

"Yes. Jesus." Olivia wiped uselessly at her eyes. Lucia swore. "They won't let me see him though." Lucia let out a gasp and a light laugh. Hysteria averted. 

 

"I'll be there in 20 minutes baby, don't move." She hung up on her. She dropped the phone into her lap. There was still blood between her fingers. She made it to the trashcan beside the nurse's station before she threw up.

 

~

 

"Don’t." Lucia put a hand on her son's chest when he woke up. He inhaled sharply and blinked a few times. _Hospital. Why?_ "You were mugged." Lucia reminded him. _Shit._

 

His mother was sitting in a chair by the bed on his left.

 

"Liv?" He said, throat sore. Lucia pointed down the bed and fetched a cup of water with a straw. He looked down. Her head was on his thigh. Her fingers were linked with his against the back of her leg. She was sleeping. He swallowed some ice water and felt the memories coming back. The dark street. Getting clocked across the face. Her panic. The pain in his leg like none he had never known. He looked down again, lifting the sheet. _Damn._

 

"She saved your life." Lucia said, a little tearfully. "It's going to be okay." 

 

~

 

 _"Wallets, watches, don't move too fast."_ She jerked, the hoarse voice in her dream making her skin crawl.

 

"Olivia." She came back to reality at the feel of his fingers in her hair. He kissed her hairline and closed eyelids some dozen times until she started to breathe again.

 

"Rafael." She blinked awake. _Home._ They were home. His home. No more hospital. No more blood. No more anesthetic smell. His leg was propped up on a pillow. The blue cast almost glowed in the dark. He turned as much as he could, sliding an arm under her neck as she curled against him. He kissed her damp cheeks.

 

"It's okay."

 

"It's not." She whispered, swallowing a lump in her throat.

 

"It is. I'm right here."  He said, hugging her close. She pressed her nose into his neck, hitched her leg around his uninjured knee. "My mom's across the hall. My body's swimming in pain killers. The love of my life's in my bed and her son's building pillow forts in my living room…pretty successful evening by my standards." She sighed, suddenly pushing up on an elbow next to him. Her heart swelled at the way he smiled at her. The bruising around his left eye had gone down a bit so he could open it all the way.

 

"I should be the one keeping you together, not the other way around." She sniffed, stroking his hair back and kissing his forehead and then his lips.  

 

"You've been saving my life every say since the day we met, Liv. Nothing new." Her eyes screwed shut, rubbing her cheek against his whiskery jaw as they held each other.  "A few weeks and this cast will be off and-"

 

"Don't tell me you weren't scared." She said. He turned his lips against her cheek, nuzzled her ear. 

 

"Oh no." He admitted. "I've…never-" He sucked in a breath. "I just wanted to protect you but it hurt so much I couldn't move. I thought he had knocked it clean off." _Crow bar._ Who the fuck tried to rob anyone with a crow bar? His tibia had been fractured. They were both bruised and aching to hell but the hooked end of the damn crow bar had slashed his shin. She had to tourniquet his leg while waiting for the ambulance. God. She hadn't seen blood like that in a long time. "What happened to him?" Rafael asked. Olivia bit her lip. She hadn't been wearing her gun but she always had mace. And a hell of a left hook.

 

"Still in the hospital, I think." She said. His chest tensed.

 

"I just dropped him. Kicked the bar away. I wanted to kick his head in."

 

"But?" He nudged her up so he could look at her in the eyes again. 

 

"He was just a kid." She mumbled. "And I was scared, too. Some people jumped out of their cars to help before anything else could happen." He tucked her head under his chin. She kissed his bare chest. "Can I get you anything?"

 

"No."

 

"It's almost time for your pills again, isn't it?"

 

"In a minute." He buried his nose in her hair, breathing deeply. She ran her fingers in soothing circles across his stomach. "I don't know if anyone's listening, but I thank God every morning I wake up next to you." She felt like crying again. "I used to pray for peace. And direction. Strength." He drug his fingers up and down her spine. "You are such a gift." 

 

"I love you so much it hurts." She said against his collarbone. "And I'll never let anyone or anything take you away from me."   

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt me!


	11. Stubborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: going shopping + stubbornness on both sides

 

"Baby…" She slipped her arms around his hips and rested her chin on his shoulder. He sighed, arms still crossed over his chest. "You're still mad?"

 

"We're not speaking." She dissolved into giggles, hiding her face against the back of his neck. "This isn't funny. Mint chocolate chip in not an acceptable flavor of ice cream, Lieutenant Benson."

 

"I can't help it." She pouted.

 

"It's toothpaste. It's ice cream for sadomasochists and deviants." 

 

"Rafael-"

 

"Oppressive."

 

"Ra-" Someone an aisle over was snickering at them. 

 

"Not up for discussion. We're getting Ben and Jerry's. One taste of Urban Bourbon will heal your tainted palette." He finally leaned forward and plucked a few pints out of the fridge.

 

"Bourbon?" She sighed, narrowing her eyes and letting go of him as if she had been betrayed. "You would, wouldn't you?" 

 

"This is tough love. It's for your own good."

 

"You can sleep on the couch, then." She took the grocery cart and started looking for Noah's favorite kind of chicken nuggets. He finally broke, laughing as he caught up with her. She smiled at the feel of his fingers sliding in her belt to slow her down. He hung over her shoulder to peak at the next thing on her shopping list.

 

"Don't get frozen sweet potato fries, I can make them." 


	12. Pestering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Lucia pestering Rafi about his relationship

"You know that I know."

 

"I don't know what you think I think you know." Lucia crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair, fixing her son with a pointed stare.

 

"She's the one." Rafael almost choked on his wine.

 

"Aye, Mami." She laughed, clapping her hands together. "What's gotten into you?" He knew it was a mistake inviting his mother to dinner with Olivia and Noah more than once. She shrugged, taking their clean plates to the kitchen. He rolled his eyes and groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What do you want now?"

 

"Nothing, Rafi. Don't be rude."

 

"What do you know that I know?" He rephrased, watching her rinse plates.

 

"You love her." He laughed, rubbing a hand over his face. He rolled up his sleeves and helped his mother dry dishes and put them away again.

 

"I do." He said, indescribably soft. Lucia smiled. 

 

"I love her."

 

"Good." She gave him an exasperated look.

 

" _We love her,_ Rafael." He gave her an equally exasperated look. "You need to take care of that woman."

 

"Oh I do. Don't worry." She whipped her towel off her shoulder and pitched it at his face.

 

"Rafael RAUL EDUARDO so help me GOD." She was seething now. Rafael swallowed another laugh, genuinely baffled. He hadn't seen his mother this worked up over his love life in years.

 

" _Lucia Barba_." He countered, turning off the sink tap and waiting till she was looking at him. "Say what you mean."  

 

"You bought a ring." He narrowed his eyes and set his jaw.

 

"What makes you so sure?"

 

"You left your black trench coat last time you were here. It was weighing down your left pocket." He stood there in a kind of stunned paralysis until his mother finished the dishes and retired to the living room to finish her glass of wine. She waited for him to join her on the couch, quietly demanding an explanation.

 

"It was…impulsive. I don't have any plans." It started to rush out. She clamped her hands down on his face.

 

"What's the worse that could happen?"

 

"She could say _yes_." She nearly pinched his cheeks off. 

 

"She could say _not yet_ and you wait some more."

 

"I could scare her. She could leave." He said. Lucia stopped short, biting down on her lip. She let go of his face and took ahold of his hands. 

 

"Rafi, she loves you." He blinked rapidly. 

 

"Things like this aren’t easy anymore, Mami. And she's had a tough life. A really tough life." He swallowed. "What we have is…easy."

 

"Bullshit." She was right. 

 

"We're comfortable. And if I ask for more…" Lucia winced, bringing his hands into her lap and thinking deeply about it for a moment. "We don't talk about it. I'm in love with her. She's in love with me. We admit that much. We make each other happy. We're together every moment we can be." He cleared his throat. "I can't mess this up. I won't." 

 

"Believe it or not, I know that fear you're feeling." She squeezed his hands. "So you're not ready. That's that."

 

"Is it?"

 

"She's not going anywhere." He could have double taked at the abrupt change in his mother's attitude. "She loves you. She's said it to you right in front of me. And I have eyes. I see you with her and I see you with Noah…I see you so happy it makes me want to cry. It's all I've ever wanted for you and I don't want anything to steal that from you." She thought for a moment. "But you're right. Things aren’t like they used to be." He raised an eyebrow. "It's a formality, more than anything." He raised both eyebrows. "Okay, it's the only photo op I've ever wanted." He couldn't help but laugh.

 

"One day. Maybe."

 

"One day." She chided him. "More wine?"

 

"Whiskey." She tapped him on the cheek affectionately. He groaned and stretched out on the couch, closing his eyes. "I'm getting a headache." 

 

"You don't get to say that till you're married, mijo. I still have questions that need answering." He covered his face with a pillow.       

 


	13. Undercover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: undercover 
> 
> Note: personal head cannon- Barba teaches after leaving the DA's office

It took a few taps on the door to break the grading haze. He gladly set aside the ever imposing stack of undergraduate midterm papers to welcome whatever distraction was awaiting. He gave a long whistle when he opened the door to her. Skintight leather cocktail dress. Legs for miles. 

 

"My gun's still loaded."

 

"Dually noted." She brushed past him and into the apartment as fast as she could, immediately kicking off her outrageous heels off and shrinking at least three inches on her way to his bedroom. He picked up the shoes and followed her. She reached under the hem of the impossibly short black dress and pulled out said firearm, as well as the battery pack for a wire. She pulled the mic out from her bra, wincing as the tape pulled at her skin.  

 

"Slow down, Liv." He said gently. She stopped in the middle of unzipping her dress and sucked in a deep breath. "Are you okay?"  

 

"I feel…grimy."

 

"You don't look grimy." She smirked, suddenly looking apologetic for brusque entry. "I'll get you something to eat." She pulled her hair up into a messy bun slipped out of the dress.

 

"Thank you, baby." A very visceral bolt of warmth coursed through his body. She showered. He put together some leftover rice, grilled chicken, and a mix of vegetables. He had poured her a glass of chilled white wine and a bigger glass of water by the time she joined him in the kitchen, wearing a big NYPD tee shirt and some fleece leggings. She took his chin in her hand and kissed him affectionately, seemingly relieved to be clean and comfortable. She took her hair down and shook out the waves. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat next to her at the kitchen counter. "We've been looking for this guy all week." She said with half a mouthful, accounting for the handful of days they had gone without seeing each other. "Amanda and I have walked back and forth through Little Italy so many times…I never want to see another cannoli again." He chuckled.

 

"Someone taking out the deli ladies?"

 

"Tourists." She said, taking a long sip of wine. "We had four young women from out of state get chloroformed and wake up in alley ways without their bras or panties. All at various times on Sunday night." His eyebrows shot up.

 

"No assault?"

 

"No penetration. We found semen on two of the girls' thighs. Outside and inside the clothing." He winced. No wonder she felt grimy.  

 

"Ever seen anything like that before?" She snorted. 

 

"Oh yah. Usually before an escalation to rape or a more serious assault. I think this guy just genuinely liked what he was doing, though. We found a dozen other reports matching the M.O. going back five years in Brooklyn and Staten Island. I dressed like the most recent victim, Rollins like the first. Two other female officers like the other two." She chewed thoughtfully a moment and then smiled a little. "Finn and Carisi caught him trying to knock Amanda out and we found half a lingerie store in the trunk of his car."

 

"Maybe he's a brand ambassador." She laughed, ducking her head. "You'll have a DNA match before sunrise." He concluded. "Another job well done." He clinked his coffee mug against her water glass, which she had now swapped in for the wine. She smiled again, running her fingers across his knee under the table.  

 

"Almost worth the incessant cat calls." He wrinkled his nose.

 

"Pigs."

 

"You literally whistled the minute you saw me." She teased him. He shrugged.

 

"I'm a slightly more romantic pig." She giggled. He leaned forward to kiss her. She put her fork down and caressed his cheek, scanning his face with fondness set deeply into her own.  

 

"I need to spend time with Noah tomorrow. And Friday. What will you be up to?" He kissed her again.

 

"I've got a full day tomorrow. Can I take you guys to dinner Friday?"

 

"Please do." She kissed the corner of his mouth and his cheek before taking her empty plate to the kitchen.

 

"What else can I do?" She refilled her water glass and slipped her hand into his. 

 

"Come to bed." He turned off the lights and followed her back to the bedroom again.  

 

"Undercover to under covers." He joked before looking equal parts surprised and disgusted with himself. She snorted. 

 

"What do you do when you're not with me, Mr. Ivy League Professor?"

 

"Feel my brain physically deteriorate, apparently." They went about getting ready for bed in a highly calm and domesticated manner, brushing their teeth and cleaning up. Checking emails and setting alarms. Folding away clothes and hanging up the next day's apparel.  She turned out the lights and crawled into bed, curling up on her side with the duvet hitched over her shoulder and her arm draped around his waist under the covers. He pushed his hand up her tee shirt and drug his fingertips across her back until she was breathing slowly and evenly.   


	14. Watch and Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Rafi teaching Noah something

She made sure to step quietly so she could approach unnoticed. She felt guilty for throwing them together at the last minute and fully expected at least one of them to be extraordinarily grumpy. His office door was cracked open and, rather than the silence she was expecting, low music and giggling spilled out.

 

"Alright amigo, ready? One and two and three and turn." Noah was standing on Rafael shoes and holding his hands, whooping with glee as they completed a rather professional looking sequence of dance moves. "You did it!" Rafael's back was to her but she could hear the smile in his voice.

 

"That's a bowel-ero?" 

 

" _Bolero_."

 

"Bowlowero. Bowelero. _Bolero_." Noah repeated until he got it right. 

 

"There you go! Want to try it without me?"

 

"I'll dance with Mommy!" Uh oh. Spotted.

 

"Hi baby!" She slipped into the room, stupidly big smile plastered to her face. "Sorry I'm so late."

 

"Rafa said you caught a case." Noah said, throwing his arms around his mother's waist in understanding. Rafael cleared his throat and went to shut off the music.

 

"Don't stop on my account. Show me what you learned."

 

"I only learned the boy part, you gotta dance the girl part. I'm not as good as Rafa but it's pretty fun." The three of them couldn't help but laugh at Noah's impression of a serious Latin dancer's face. He cracked and giggled and tried to remember the instructions he had just received. Olivia let her son lead, impressed all over again that he had retained several beats of the dance.

 

"Your partner is a little too tall for you amigo. Watch me." Noah handed his mother's hands up to Rafael and ran to sit in the desk chair. It was his turn to be impressed as his mother had no problem artfully completing a few turns.

 

"Mama _you_ know how to dance bolero?"  

 

"Rafa really likes to dance."

 

"And your Mami really likes to lead." She stepped on his foot. He overreacted to make Noah laugh.

 

"Go get your coat, let's get some dinner!" Noah dashed out to Carmen's desk, where he had stashed his jacket and backpack. Olivia slipped her arms around Rafael's neck and gave him an amused look. He laughed and shrugged, slightly embarrassed. She kissed his cheek. "Thanks for helping out. Lucy's having a rough finals week." He kissed her properly, a few times in quick succession.

 

"Don't mention it."

 

"Are you coming with us Rafa?" Noah skipped back in, quickly inserting himself between them. Olivia snickered and picked him up so he could be at eye level. He put his arms around both of their necks.

 

"Of course."

 

"Awesome."

 

"You learned how to dance Cuban, would you like to eat Cuban?"

 

"Can I get tortillas?"

 

"The best in New York." Olivia laughed, knowing full well he was referring to a food truck that was almost always parked outside of a dive bar a few blocks over from his apartment.

 

"Let's go!" Noah said authoritatively, sliding down his mother's hip to the floor again. He dashed ahead to the elevator as Rafael packed up. Olivia laced her fingers through his as they left the now totally dark floor of the building and ventured out into the city.  


	15. Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: going away

He was grading papers at the corner of the bar. It was only just now five, so the place was quiet. He didn't look up but he smiled as she approached. She stroked the back of his neck and kissed his cheek before taking the empty stool to his left.

 

"Thought I might find you here. What torture device did you employ this time?" She teased, ordering a martini. He freshened up his scotch. He had learned rather quickly that he couldn't enjoy challenging his students without them challenging him right back.  

 

"Never give a bunch of 23 year olds hypotheticals. You'll go in circles for hours." He sighed. She snorted at his mildly pained expression and leaned in to skim the page he was annotating.

"Yikes." He swept his papers and pen back into his briefcase, some of the tension in his shoulders ebbing as he did so. She plucked at the rolled sleeves of his dress shirt. He had forgone a coat and had worn the top of the shirt open today.

 

"How did it go?" He asked. 

 

"Guilty across the board."

 

"Excellent."

 

"Excellent jury." She agreed. "I thought we'd be much later though. Lucy isn't expecting me until ten so we have some time to kill if you're willing to take a break from destroying someone's midterm GPA."  The corner of his mouth quirked upwards. He caught the hand still fidgeting with his shirt sleeve and trapped her fingers, bringing them to his lips. 

 

"Dinner?"

 

"Please." 

 

"Dealer's choice."

 

"Honestly? I would kill for a gyro right now."

 

"Uncle Gussy's or something fancy?"

 

"I resent the implication that Uncle Gussy's is not considered something fancy." He raised an eyebrow and she laughed. They took their time finishing their drinks. He checked his phone to track down the location of their favorite food truck. Fifth avenue, just off a nice part of Central Park. She hailed a cab.

She reached for him once they were in the back seat, resting her hand on his leg. He watched her face as she watched the city roll by her window. She looked tired. Satisfied, but tired. He looking down at her hand, ever so gently clasping him above the knee as if to ground them both. He carefully moved his fingers across hers, tracing the back of her hand before covering it completely. She smiled, hooking her pinkie finger around his as she leaned her head against the window.

 

They got spicy lamb with extra fries and sat on a bench in the park. The early bird tourists were taking carriage rides and roller skating. The seasoned New Yorkers were soaking up the lovely May evenings while they could. June was just over the horizon. She pulled a knee up on the bench and turned to the side so she could look at him.

 

"It's supposed to be nice tomorrow. We should take Noah to the zoo." He suggested. 

 

"He'd love that. He's been dying to see you." She beamed, stealing one of his fries. He retaliated by pilfering a pinch of her flatbread. "Are you coming home with me tonight?" He shot her a look that said **_duh_** that made her laugh again. "You never told me how your day was." 

 

"Long. Hard. But pretty nice, now." They finished eating but remained where they were. He draped an arm across the back of the bench and she slipped in closer, kissing him properly. He laughed as she pulled away rather abruptly, looking minorly displeased.   

 

"Sorry. Should have done that before Greek food."   

 

"Excuses." He feigned exasperation, leaning in to kiss her again. It was a little harder when she was smiling so much but they persevered. She wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled into his jaw. He was letting his stubble grow out a bit and she liked it more than she cared to admit. "Are you off call this weekend?" He asked. 

 

"Oh yah." She said, dripping with relief as she sat back. The past two weekends had been clogged with case work. It had felt like ages since she had a day alone with her son. "Unless hell opens up. Or we catch something from the top."

 

"Same thing." She stood up and held a hand out to him. He took it immediately. She pulled him up and started walking deeper into the park. He followed without questioning. They walked quietly. Peacefully. Shoulders bumping every other step. She pressed his hand between both of hers before clasping his wrist with the fingers not currently laced between his own. She traced patterns on his wrist with her thumb. She ducked her head to press a kiss to his shoulder, a spontaneous and intensely affectionate gesture for her. "Something on your mind?" She chuckled.

 

"Too much, usually." 

 

"I know. I'm sensing a question, though." Damn him. She cut to the chase. 

 

"Noah and I are taking a vacation and I want you to come."

 

"Okay." He said without missing a beat. "Done."

 

"Don't even need to know where? Or when?"     

 

"No." He said, just to see her laugh again. They fell quiet for another minute. "Where and when?"

 

"Rockport, Massachusetts. Sometime in June."

 

"Sounds perfect." She let out a breath.

 

"That was easier than I thought it would be." He shrugged.

 

"I can't seem to say no to you."

 

"Okay that's a nice thought but this relationship was built by you saying 'no' to me easily and often." They snickered.

 

"You liked it." She shot him a despairing look. "Okay how about this..." He stopped walking, turning to stand in front of her. She looked amused as he stopped her mid stride, giving her nowhere to go. She leaned on his chest. He wrapped his free arm around her waist. "Let's go. Two weeks. One in Rockport in June with Noah…and one with me. Any time any where. I vote Europe, personally but that's your call. I'll take care of the rest. I want to do this for you."

 

She bit her lip, feeling spoiled in every sense of the word. She had been here before. With a man. A good man. offering her the world on a platter. Mutual adoration. Mutual affection. But this was different somehow. Solid. Real. He wasn't too good to be true. Just true.  They weren't just dreaming about going away. They would do it. She brought a hand up to push his hair back. A breeze went rushing through the trees above them and sent leaves skittering around their feet.  

 

"I'd love that." She pressed her hand to his cheek. He smiled so softly she felt tears spring to her eyes. A knot somewhere in her gut finally loosened. It would have seemed silly with anyone else. It was just a fucking vacation after all. And they had taken their fair share of weekends together outside of the city. But this...it felt like the beginning of something. Something new. Something good. "I love y-"  

 

Some teenagers on bikes came cruising by moaning overtly lewd things and making gagging sounds. Olivia pulled her blazer to the side so they could see her badge. They took off at a break neck pace when they saw it.  

 

"Shielding my virtue?"

 

"Someone has too." She shot back. He laughed and kissed her lightly before leading her back the way they came. They took the long way home. "Let's go to Italy. I know the language. You probably know everything else there is to know."

 

"I've never been." He admitted, looking downright gleeful. She brought his hand to her lips and kissed the back of it.                                                           


	16. Snapshot

It started out as a game.

 

She went to answer his phone for him and found a picture of herself and Noah set as his lock screen. Not a cute one.  Mouth open, brow furrowed, deep post-case-ugly-sleeping with Noah looming over her trying to mimic the face. 

 

So she had a picture of him wearing one of her NYPD shirts on laundry day. It was about two and half inches short of meeting the sweatpants he had on (also hers). When he stretched it looked like he was wearing a full on crop top so the shot of him making coffee in her kitchen was almost akin to an instagram model. 

 

He had two framed photos on his desk. In one they were lying in the grass in central park with Noah between them. He was looking serene, wearing sunglasses and only showing the left half of his face. Olivia and Noah were looking unaware and giggling at each other. In the other one the two of them were trying to take a nice photo before a function at Columbia. He looked suave in a tux but the wind was blowing her dress up and her hair completely across her face.

 

She had some of Noah's drawings taped to the side of her filing cabinet at the office as well as a photo of the two of them in front of the harbor during the golden hour. She was smiling down at the arms he had wrapped around her waist. He was beaming at her. Noah had taken it so the perspective was a little wonky and the tops of their heads were cut off, but it was still one of her favorites. It paired nicely with the photo of him mid sneeze over breakfast. Defense attorneys usually got a kick out of that one. 

 

He asked her to read a text one night. His phone went off while he was making dinner. She noticed he finally changed his lock screen for the first time in a few months. Just her. From behind. Wearing one of his Harvard sweatshirts, walking ahead of him on the sidewalk with Noah glued to her hip. 

 

"What is it?" He asked when she gave him a cheesy smile.

 

"Almost makes me want to take a nice picture with you." He shot her a murderous look but it was too late. His mother had heard the exchange from the next room.

 

"What did you say? You don't have a nice picture together? Nonsense. I'll take one. C'mon, come here. Rafi put that down, for God's sake. Come out on the balcony." She took both their phones and her own and trapped them out there for nearly 15 minutes. It was almost worth it for the shot of him hiding a smile in her hair with the sun setting over Bronx behind them. 


	17. Truth Or Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: truth or dare

There was a window seat in the bedroom of his apartment that got quite a lot of use. 

 

It was Friday night and they were lounging. She was sitting between his knees, lying back on his chest. They had a bottle of whiskey and one glass between them and were trying extremely hard not to laugh loudly enough to wake Noah, who was sound asleep in the next room. 

 

"Truth or drink?" 

 

"Mmmm drink." He passed her the glass and kissed her neck as she took a long sip. They were pleasantly buzzed. Tipsy. Well...probably a little drunk. "Your turn." She sighed, laughing as stubble tickled her skin. 

 

"Truth." He decided, sitting up straight again and reaching down to the floor for the bottle so he could fill their glass again. 

 

"If you _had_ to get a tattoo, what would it be?" 

 

"What, at gunpoint?" He laughed. "I don't know..." He took a sip off the top of the glass and kissed her cheek. "Probably something for my mother. Or Abuelita."

 

"Bronx. Across your chest." She teased. He snorted. 

 

"No." The imaged continued to make her giggle. "Your turn." He said.  

 

"Truth." She drank a little anyway. He pressed his nose into her hair. They watched the city lights as he pondered his question. 

 

"Last love?" He asked.

 

"I thought we said no dumb questions."

 

"I thought we said no weaseling out of answers." He pinched at her side in a ticklish answer and she slapped a hand over her mouth to keep from shrieking. 

 

"I'm not sure. Being in love feels like a weird concept. Shallow." He waited for her to elaborate. "I've loved everyone in my life. Actively. That's being _in_ love, isn't it? It isn't any different person to person. It doesn't feel like it anyway." He couldn't help but smile. It explained a lot about the woman in his arms, actually. They both drank for awhile, passing the glass back and forth in comfortable silence. She leaned back to run her fingers through his hair and kiss his cheek.

 

"Truth." He said quietly, paying her back with a kiss on the lips.

 

"What's the first thing you noticed about me?" She asked.

 

"Is this a trap?" He said seriously.

 

"No." She laughed. "I'm genuinely curious. I swear."

 

"I don't think I noticed anything. Not at first. Not for awhile." He brought a hand up to stroke her hair idly. "First it was your work. Bullet proof if you were paying attention to the details." She rolled her eyes. "And then I knew I really liked talking to you. Even if we were fighting. And then you were my friend." He felt her smile against his neck. "What about me? Suspenders?" 

 

"Suspenders." They snorted. He cupped his hand around hers around the glass and took a drink. "I thought you were insane. The image of you putting your own belt around your neck to rile up a perp is permanently imprinted into my nightmares." He shrugged. 

 

"It worked." She finished the glass. He poured another.

 

"And then I noticed I wanted you around all the time." She turned sideways and draping her legs over his thigh, wrapping an arm around his neck. They kissed languidly. Drank some more. She rested her head on his shoulder. He ran his fingertips across her knees and up and down her thighs, nuzzling against the top of her head.

 

"What do you call me inside your head?" She yawned, running her fingers across his jaw and chin. 

 

"Endearingly?"

 

"Like when I look at you some neanderthal part of my brain always says _mine_. _My Rafael_." He felt something blossom deep in his chest as they laughed about it. 

 

"I don't I think anything specific. But I feel warm. A little giddy." He admitted. He kissed her on the chin and then on the lips. She sighed happily.

 

"What am I going to do with you?" He kissed her again.

 

"More of this? You can stay awhile." He suggested. She smiled against his cheek and the nuzzled into his neck.

 

"I ever have a last love, I want it to be you." She admitted after a few beats of quiet. He took a large swallow of whiskey.

 

"Wouldn't that be nice?"

 

"It is nice. You're nice." She fiddled with the collar of his shirt. He put their whiskey on the floor. Put his arms all the way around her. "This is nice." She closed her eyes and snuggled close. It all felt more like a promise than a hypothetical. She probably felt his heart pounding against her ear. "Too much?" She asked, feeling him think a little to hard again.  

 

"Never."

 

"Promise?"

 

"Promise." She slipped a hand down to his. She looped her pinkie around his, brought it up, and kissed his knuckles to seal the deal. He laughed, thinking about other childhood pinky swears. Other games of truth or dare. He held on to her finger. "And if it ever doesn't feel... _nice..._ you'll tell me? So I can fix it?"

 

"Promise." He brought her hand to his lips.    

 

"Promise." He sighed, looking out at the city again, holding her hand to his chest and rubbing her back. "I'm sunk."

 

"Me too."            


	18. Rain

It was pouring rain by the time they left the bar. Finn made a tent with his leather jacket and jogged out into a waiting cab. Carisi unfurled his umbrella, shielding Rollins as they headed to the curb to hail the next one.

 

"Wanna share?" Rollins called over her shoulder.

 

"It's not that bad!" Olivia said, pulling the hood of her coat up. "I'll walk." Rafael rolled his eyes and opened his umbrella.

 

"And I'll make sure she gets there."

 

"Night guys!" Carisi shouted over a roll of thunder. It may not be that bad, but it was about to get worse. Olivia shrugged, looping her arm through Rafael's as they set out of her apartment. She kicked water from a puddle out in front of them. He gave her an amused look. She shrugged.

 

"I like rain." The streets were practically empty aside from the passing cars. The wind kicked up a swirling mist. It felt a bit like the end of the world. Or the beginning of a new one. Rafael pulled his arm away from hers and slipped it around her waist. She smiled and hooked her arm around his back, kissing his cheek. They nearly slipped off the curb with the next gust of wind and were abruptly soaked up to the knees when a passing car came splashing through a massive puddle. If they weren't literally two blocks from her place he would have called an car. But she was giggling and leaning on his side and it wasn't all that cold once you got past the shock factor. The sound of water was so loud he could barely hear her as they approached her building. "Thank you for walking with me, Rafael." She said into his ear. "Coming up?"

 

"Yes pl-" His umbrella abruptly snapped inside out and was wrenched from his grip. He chased it for a half step but the wind swept it out into the street and under a car. Her laughter bubbled up under the din in the storm. Her hair was plastered to her cheeks. He had to squint to look at her it but it was enough to see her stepping back into his space to frame his face with her freezing cold hands.  She kissed him. The taste of water and wine was like fire and ice on his lips. 

 

"I'll get you a new one." She promised. He took her hands and laughed too. They ran the last block to her place. They were still laughing as they dragged a small tide pool into the lobby and stumbled into the elevator. She was shivering so hard she was shuddering. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed every part of her face. She kicked her boots off so he didn't have to strain, pushed his hair back from his forehead as she kissed him back.

 

"As romantic as this is, Liv…" She kissed up his throat. He bit down on his bottom lip.

 

"I'll let you call an uber next time, don't worry." Her teeth were practically chattering as the doors opened. He wrapped himself around her as she unlocked her apartment. The living room was glowing . Noah came bouncing up to greet them and suddenly they felt downright warm.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt Me!


	19. Movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: bickering over what to watch + weepy girly movies

He was more than a little surprised to see her on the other side of the door tonight.

 

"Livia I-" She quietly held up an offering. Chinese take out. Rented movies. It didn't distract him from the black eye. He pulled her into the apartment. It had been a bad week. A really bad week. A sadomasochistic-serial-killer-on-the-streets-evading-their-best-efforts level bad week.

 

"We got him." She said. He put the bags and the movies on the counter and cupped her face in his hands, turning it side to side to see the damage. Just ugly bruises clouding her right eye. A little cut below her cheekbone. Nothing serious. "Noah's at a sleep over. I need to not think for awhile." She said, her own hands coming up to clasp his wrists. "Can I stay?"

 

"Of course." He brought her in to a soft kiss. The furrow between her eyebrows finally relaxed. He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs as he kissed her a second time. He kissed her closed eyelids and her forehead. Her eyes flickered open and she smiled. "There you are. Hi." She laughed lightly. 

 

"Hi." She kissed him quickly. He started unpacking their dinner. She retreated to his bedroom to change clothes. She came back wearing one of his tee shirts and some yoga pants. She hooked her chin over his shoulder and watched him plate their fried rice, lo mein, and egg rolls. 

 

"I don't think we should watch any of these tonight." He nodded towards the DVD selections she had made. Steel Magnolias, The Room, and Beaches. He hadn't seen any of them all the way through- but he knew death, grief, and violence were some central themes. She shrugged.

 

"I need to cry."

 

"Really? Wouldn't you rather laugh? Or zone out watching home renovation shows?" She sighed, pressed her lips to his shoulder.

 

"I'd rather cry."

 

"I'll even watch the Kardashians with you. Or what's that horribly narrated crime doc series you watch?" She giggled.

 

"No."

 

"Is the Bachelor still going?" She pouted. "Okay. I'm putting my foot down on The Room though that's too close to home for both of us." She picked Steel Magnolias.

 

"This is a chick flick." She attempted to placate him.

 

"Isn't it about some girl's poor slow death and her mother's inability to cope?"

 

"Have you seen this before?" She narrowed her eyes at him. He suddenly became very interested in his noodles.  

 

"Maybe."

 

~

 

He ended up watching her most of the time. After they ate she ended up dropping a pillow on his lap and making herself comfortable. He stroked hair back from her face. The movie made her laugh some, but quiet tears slipped down her cheeks from about the middle of the film on. He handed her tissues and laughed with her at some of the shenanigans on screen. Dolly Parton always got to him and you would have to be made of stone to not love Olympia DuKakis. By the time the credits rolled she was covering her face with her hands and hiccupping a little from suppressed sobs. It wasn't about the movie anymore. He curled his arms underneath her, pulling her up and cradling her to his chest. She curled into him, regaining control of her emotions while fiddling with the short hairs framing his ear. She kissed his cheek and sucked in a shuddering breath as she sat up by herself.

 

"Be right back." She went to the restroom to wash her face and blow her nose. She found him stretched out on his back, flipping channels. She managed a smile, stretching out half on top of him, half in the narrow space between him and the back of the couch.  He kissed the corner of her bruised eye.

 

"Better?"

 

"Much." She kissed him firmly before tucking herself under his chin. "Thank you." He wrapped an arm around her back. 

 

"Anytime." She pulled the throw off the back of the couch and sighed happily. Safe. And very sound.

 

"You're not going to make me watch this, are you?" He stopped on re-runs of Whose Line Is It Anyway. "You can leave any time you'd like." She giggled so hard she had to turn her face into his chest to make herself stop. He snorted. "We're not thinking tonight, remember?" She playfully bit the collar of his tee shirt.  

 

"Mindless TV. Got it." She mumbled, releasing his shirt and dropping kisses of his jaw.

 

They did a little more making out than mindless TV watching. It worked out.         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt me!


	20. Stuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: stuck in an elevator

Noah finally passed out, equal parts bored and exhausted. He put his head in his mother's lap and used her coat as a blanket. Rafael sat close, putting an arm around her so she could rest against his chest instead of the wall of the stalled elevator. After an hour and a half, help was finally on the way and they could breathe a little easier. The building's power had cut off unexpectedly. The emergency generators had surged back to like a few minutes ago, so now they could turn off their cell phone flashlights. It was still cold and cramped and uncomfortable but it was almost over.   

 

Olivia looked up, leaning her forehead against his while looking at him intently. He smiled. Blushed a little bit. He picked up the hand not currently rubbing her son's back. She played with his fingers and smiled tiredly, closing her eyes. He ran his nose and lips across her cheeks. Playful despite it all. She squeezed his hand and kissed him quickly.

 

"Could've been worse." He held her closer, releasing her hand to slowly stroke Noah's curls. She rested her head in the crook of his neck.

 

"Oddly optimistic for you." She whispered back. 

 

"Oh don't worry. I'll be taking the stairs for the rest of my life." Her laugh got muffled by another kiss. This time she caught his bottom lip between her teeth and made him groan a little. Noah shifted in his sleep and they foggily broke apart.

 

"Okay. I spy with my little eye…" She started. They choked down a laugh. He kissed her forehead, unable to pull himself out of her space.

 

"I never want to see this shade of beige ever again." He mumbled. She kissed the corner of his mouth and then pulled back enough to smile at him, twisting her arm back to tweak the stubble on his jaw.

 

"I'm thinking of an object." She whispered. 

 

"Bigger than a toaster?" He asked. 

 

"Smaller."

 

"Do you keep it in your bag?"

 

"On the weekends."

 

"Is it for children?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Is it a post t-ball practice necessity?"

 

"Oh yes."

 

"Wet wipes?"

 

"Bingo." She tapped his nose with her finger. He grinned and looked up at the ceiling, pondering for a moment.

 

"I'm thinking of an abstract concept." She snorted and pinched his cheek.

 

"Regarding law?"

 

"No."

 

"Morality?"

 

"Warmer." She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.

 

"Pleasure or pain?"

 

"Pleasure."

 

"Does it encourage self-gratification?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Is it hedonism?" He looked surprised. "What? I do listen when you tell me what you're reading about. Now…I'm thinking of a movie…" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt me!


	21. PTA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Rafael gets involved in the PTA/Noah's school

She was late for the parent teacher conference but they were more than used to it by now. She gave them the quick excuse of a court appearance as she sat. Mrs. Annette and her classroom assistant smiled politely and thanked her for coming so quickly despite her busy schedule. They got to work, talking through Noah's classroom and homework performance. Nothing was out of the ordinary. He was exceling at the intrapersonal but still a bit behind with the interpersonal.

 

His journals, worksheets, drawings, and one on one interactions were delightful for all the teachers that worked with him. He was still very shy. Loud noises and confrontation were not his strong suit. He had a hard time making friends outside of the three or four he knew before school started. He stayed close to them. They suggested some talks and encouragement from home as well as more fostered interactions and playdates.   

 

"We really adore Noah. He's the most polite and attentive little boy…I mean it when I say he's going to be a really special young man." Mrs. Annette concluded. "Do you have any questions for us?" Olivia smiled and shook her head, picking up one of the many drawings scattered across the table. A handful of figures were playing t-ball in a busy, colorful rendering of Central Park. She could tell by the heights of the figures and her son's messy scrawl that it was a family portrait. _Uncle Sonny, Aunt Manda, Jessie, Uncle Finn, Rafa, Mama, me._

 

"Do you mind if I keep this?"

 

"Please do. You have a big beautiful family. You should all come to the Spring pic-nic. Noah has signed up to sing a song for the talent show." 

 

"These are my co-workers, actually. My friends. I'm sure they'd love to come out, though." The ladies beamed and she swallowed a laugh. They would probably all sit around and mock the pedigree of overinvolved parents until Noah performed. They all stood and shook Olivia's hand.  

 

"And who's this? One of the uncles?" The teacher's assistant gestured out the window to the playground. Noah was shrieking with laughter on the swings. Rafael was pushing him with one hand, shaking a dad's hand with the other. They were on the outside of a small knot of parents all chatting together as they filtered in and out of conferences.

 

"Rafa. Rafael Barba." She couldn't help but smile. He was speaking so effortlessly out there, coat tossed casually over his shoulder. People were listening to him and laughing. Those parents barely spared her the time of day. She didn't have time for PTA and was basically an absentee mother in their eyes until her annual contribution to career day. They usually invited Lucy to all of their outings and play dates.

 

"Noah's always talking him up." Mrs. Annette laughed. "Good to see he wasn't exaggerating about the suits." She pulled out a drawing Noah had done, complete with purple suspenders, tie, and socks. Olivia grinned.

 

"He let's Noah pick sometimes."

 

"Boyfriend? I don't mean to pry but you both been-"

 

"No, yah. Of course. Yes. He's…my…mine. Boyfriend. Partner." She fumbled for words, cleared her throat.

 

"Seems like a good fit. This has been a good year. For both of you." Mrs. Annette finished with another warm smile. "Would it be alright if I introduced myself?" Olivia nodded dumbly, grabbing her purse. The teaching assistant welcomed the next set of parents. Mrs. Annette swept out to the playground with her clipboard. Noah launched off the swing set and barreled at them full speed.

 

"HI MOM." Olivia caught him, air almost all the way knocked out of her chest as she picked him up. "Hi Mrs. Annette!" Rafael jogged over, jacket folded carelessly over his briefcase.

 

"Annette Johnson. I'm Noah's teacher this year. I wanted to meet the great Rafa in person." He shook her hand, blushing a little.

 

"Rafael Barba."

 

"Rafa's a teacher too, Mrs. Annette! He works at Columbia." Noah pronounced it with a heavy accent, as if he were referring to the country rather than the school. It made them all laugh.

 

"Oh really?" The teacher beamed. 

 

"Just an adjunct." He prefaced. "With the law school."

 

"Well it's an absolute pleasure Professor Barba. You've been an extremely positive influence on our Noah here." The conversation went on for another minute or two. Olivia's brain was racing a bit and she lost track. This was good. Really good. The other parents were staring but it didn't bother her as much as it usually did. Mrs. Annette gave Rafael some drawings Noah had done as a parting gift.

 

He was beaming, turning to thank Noah for his work. Noah had an arm around his mother's neck, but leaned over as far as he could and hooked his finger's in Rafael's suspender, pulling him closer to kiss him on the cheek, a gesture he had seen his mother do a hundred times.

 

"Can we get ice cream now?"

 

"After dinner." Olivia snapped back into reality. Rafael put a finger in her belt loop and pulled her against him.

 

"Everything okay?"  

 

"Yah." She meant it. Really meant it. He beamed. "Let's get out of here." She put Noah down. Rafael stowed the drawings in his briefcase. He gave the flock of parents a friendly wave as they left. Noah took a hand from each of them at first but was soon skipping a few steps ahead, singing a song to himself. "Thank you." Olivia mumbled, wrapping an arm around Rafael's. 

 

"Of course. I didn't interrupt anything, did I?" 

 

"No. They were just curious. Noah's been talking you up, apparently." He grinned, flushing a little with embarrassment.

 

"We've been invited to dinner by the way. The Bennett's." He said. 

 

"I don't even know who they are." She snickered.

 

"Micah's parents."

 

"YES. Shit. Right."

 

"Do schools still do those monthly meetings? Parent and teacher associations?"

 

"Oh yah. They're every other week at this school though. I've never had the time. Lucy fills in when she can spare a few hours. Keeps me in the loop."

 

"When are they?"

 

"Rafael you shouldn't have to even begin thinking about-"

 

"I'm telling you that I want to think about that. I really do." They came to a street corner and simultaneously reached out to pull Noah back from the curb. He laughed and flung himself around their waists, stepping up on the tops of the feet as they waited for the light to change.

 

"You're still coming to the Spring pic-nic right, Rafa?"

 

"Cleared the whole day for it amigo. Think I can get a front row seat for the talent show?" They didn't get a chance to really talk about it again until they were seated at one of Olivia's favorite places. A diner that served breakfast all day. Noah was distracted with a coloring book. She reached across the table to fiddle with the cuff of his sleeve.  "I want it all." He whispered, looking at Noah as he brought his other hand up to still her fingers. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable but-" She shook her head and squeezed his wrist as she leaned forward over the table.

 

"It's…work. A lot of work."

 

"Not from where I'm standing." He said. She blinked back tears. "I can help. I can be there."

 

"And-" She was cut off by the waitress bringing them their plates. She stole some scrambled eggs of his plate and crossed her ankles behind one of his under the table. Noah launched into an elaborate rehashing of his day. 

 

She gave her son a piggy back ride from their table to the street. The little boy was dozing against her shoulder. The sun had gone down and it had been a long day for everyone. They were all soft around the edges. Rafael capitalized on the opportunity to kiss her on the lips before pulling out his phone and calling an uber. "And I love you." She finally finished. He looked up and smiled. 

 

"I love you." He leaned over and kissed her again. "And I love him." He tucked hair behind her ear.  

 

"Simple as that?" He chuckled, showered her his phone. Their car was five minutes away and would meet them a block over.

 

"Simple as that."                

          

 


	22. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Elliot Stabler returns

He could tell immediately that she had been crying. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

 

The room was so tense Noah barely crossed the threshold. He choked on the boisterous greeting he was about to hurl at his mother, wrapping his arms around Rafael's waist instead. Finn was leaning on the wall behind Liv, arms crossed, staring sternly at the man sitting in the chair across from Olivia's desk.

 

It was jarring seeing them together like that. Like they had never retired. 

 

"Hey Noah." Finn said, barely pulling his eyes away from the stranger.

 

"Hi Uncle Finn."

 

"Wanna grab a soda?" Noah looked between his mother and Rafael. He squeezed the little boy's hand.

 

"Go ahead." He whispered. 

 

"It's okay No-No." Olivia encouraged him, mustering a smile. "I've just got a few more things to do." Finn clapped Rafael on the shoulder before removing the boy from the room. The gesture was equal parts affectionate and terrifying. Olivia stood suddenly. The man followed her example. "That was my son, Noah. This is my husband, Rafael." Olivia came to stand behind his shoulder. She put a hand on the small of his back before making a fist in his sweater. It made his blood run cold.

 

But the stranger had been crying as well. Something clicked. "Rafael, this is Elliot Stabler." Olivia said, barely audible. He swallowed hard and extended a hand.  

 

"Nice to meet you Elliot. Good to put a face to the name." 

 

"Rafael." Elliot repeated hoarsely, shaking hard and fast. "Sorry to crop up unannounced…"

 

"It's okay." Olivia said softly, forcibly relaxing the grip she had on Rafael.

 

"I should…I should go. I'll call you about-" He stuttered and swallowed, rubbing the back of his neck. 

 

"Sounds good." Olivia finished.

 

"It's good to see you, Liv." Elliot smiled, breezing past them after touching her lightly on the arm. The minute he was out of sight she covered her face with her hands and sobbed.   

 

~

 

Olivia spent the next day in bed with the covers pulled up to her nose. The night had been sleepless.  

 

Lucia came to the rescue, scooping Noah up for a Saturday afternoon out of the apartment. Rafael got back into bed, putting an arm around his wife and offering what support he could as she rode out a myriad of emotions.

 

Finn had taken her out for coffee to tell her how Stabler had popped by his place the night before, out of the blue, to ask how Olivia was. Like he had never fucking disappeared or something. Finn didn't realize he had been followed. Olivia was too shocked by the news to notice anything until an all too familiar voice called her name on the walk back to the office. 

 

"It was like he died." She said after a long while, tears long dried. "I loved him so much. He knew. He still left." She wasn't just talking about the job. Rafael frowned and nodded, pulling the covers down so he could see her face. She leaned her forehead against his, screwing her eyes shut. "Finn was standing outside my door at first. He tried to kiss me. He wanted a second chance. He wanted _me_ …but when I told him I had a family he looked so cold and upset. I don't think he wants…" She trailed off. Rafael stroked her cheek.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"If he really loved me, h-he would want to be in my life regardless right?"

 

"You're right, baby." He assured her. "Maybe it was a shock for him too. Maybe those years didn't seem as long to him."

 

"Maybe." Her fingers crept up his chest. She caressed the back of his neck before tracing his lips with her fingertips. He cupped her hand and kissed her palm. Her wrist. "I love you."

 

"I love you." He hummed, wrapping an arm around her again. She moved, tucking herself under his chin and clinging to his waist. "Want me to beat him up for you?" She choked on a laugh.

 

"No."

 

"Let me know. I've got friends in low places."

 

"I'm sorry." She breathed, making a distressed sound in the back of her throat. "I still love him. Not like I used to. But I still want him in my life. Is that wrong?"

 

"Don't apologize. He was a massive part of your life, Liv. A massive part of _you_. I understand." He held her a little tighter. "There's no right or wrong here. He needs to figure out what he wants. We'll wait and see." She nodded in agreement. "Were you scared of him?" He asked before he could stop himself.

 

"A little." She admitted, seemingly devastated by the realization. "I had never seen that look before." Thank God for Finn, Rafael thought to himself. She breathed deeply, turning her face into his chest. It muffled her words. "I know I always idealized him. He was a hard, volatile man. I used to think I was special to him. That he let me in before anyone else…that I was one of the few that understood him. I relished that. All the red flags I told victims to look out for were right in front of me." Rafael stroked her hair, momentarily speechless.  

 

"Liv." He mumbled against her hair.

 

"It all feels so stupid now. There was him. Cassidy. Tucker. All the same."

 

"You're not stupid, Olivia. Hard men have lived through hard lives. Just like you." She frowned and started to cry again. Silently. He wiped the tears as they fell. "That's really easy for you to identify with. But you changed. You worked hard to grow into something. They didn't." He tiled her chin up to kiss her properly. "And as much as my baser instincts would encourage you to burn all those bridges, that would be foolish. You don't give your time to lost causes. At one point they gave you something worth keeping. They were there for you when you needed it." The corner of her mouth ticked up in a smile. She kissed him again.

 

"You've always been different." She said hoarsely.

 

"Have I?"

 

"There's never been anyone like you."  She drew light circles on the side of his neck. "If you don't want me to talk to him again, I won't." Something in his chest physically ached. Nobody was ever going to love him this fucking much. Nobody but her. 

 

"That's not my call. I can't do that for you. I shouldn't." He smiled sadly. "I know this is hard. And I'm so sorry…"

 

"It's okay. You're right."

 

"Say that again." He teased, in an attempt to make her smile. She closed her eyes and laughed.

 

"I'm scared of what I would be without you."

 

"Still you." He reminded her.

 

"I'm so goddamn happy. Truly." She mused, anchoring a thigh over his, tangling them further together. "I want to be with you forever, Rafael."

 

"I never loved anything like I've loved you." He assured her. "Nothing will ever change that." She sniffed, looking overwhelmed again. "Beautiful, marvelous, incandescent woman. You drive me crazy. I'd follow you to hell and back."

 

"I feel like I'm going crazy. We've been married for 3 months for Christ's sake. I shouldn't be this insecure." She wiped her eyes with the edge of the sheet.

 

"It's only been three months?" He joked again, pretending to look horrified. She groaned and then laughed.

 

"Be nice to me today."

 

"I'm always nice."

 

"Be extra nice." They fell quiet for a few minutes, just listening to the city sounds. Sirens wailed. Horns blasted. Cars and trucks trundled by. Music blared in and out from open windows. Someone on the street started a shouting match. From time to time the couple downstairs and five or six doors down had a falling out that the whole block had to know about. 

 

_"YOU AIN'T SHIT BITCH."_

_"TAKE YOUR TINY DICK HOME, RYAN."_          

 

"Ouch." Rafael said. Olivia laughed, sounding truly mirthful.

 

"Good one." She said, covering her mouth to hide a yawn. She rolled over, holding his arm in place. He took the hint and held her close, rubbing her back and leaning closer so she could feel his weight pressed against her. "Thank you."

 

"I love you." He kissed her neck. "Endlessly." He kissed her cheek. "Everything's going to be okay. Let's see what happens." She turned her head and kissed him on the lips.

 

"Keep reminding me."

 

"I promised I would." She smiled against the pillow and settled into his arms. In a few minutes she was asleep.  


	23. Worship

"Go away." She teased, batting at the fingers trying to distract her from her reading. He turned on his side, pressing his lips to her knee before working his way up her thigh. He chuckled as she struggled to remain stoic. 

 

"Alright, what do we have here?" He nudged the file up, rolling over so he could lay across her lap. She sighed and then laughed, ducking her head and running her fingers through his hair. The ends of her own hair tickled his nose. He blew them out of his line of sight.

 

"Trying to figure out these new state legislations. Either I'm off my game or they've started writing these in Greek." She said. He was squinting at the pages so she pulled her reading glasses off and handed them to him. He closed one eye, moving the file closer and then further away, using her glasses like a magnifying glass.

 

"It's Greek."

 

"Thank you Mr. Harvard Law-man Columbia Professor sir." He took her glasses off, reaching his arm up to bring her closer. She bent over her lap to kiss his forehead and both cheeks. "Am I getting any work done tonight?"

 

"Not if I have anything to do with it." She giggled again, kissing him on the lips.

 

"So needy." He hummed happily, kissing her again.

 

"Come to bed."

 

"Okay." They got off the couch. She took their half finished bottle of wine with them.

 

She laid there on the bed in her leggings and hoodie. He spread her knees apart and made room for himself between her thighs. She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled as he brushed hair back and away, tucking it behind her ears. He kissed ever inch of her face and neck. She closed her eyes.

 

He pressed his mouth to her chest, sliding down little by little. He kissed the hollow between her breasts. Slow. Open mouthed. She could feel it despite the clothes between them. He caressed her stomach. He kissed her hips and the tops of her thighs as he finally pushed his hands under to grab her naked ribs. She shuddered and hummed, feeling thoroughly spoiled. He nipped at the skin above her naval. She felt his eyes on her.

 

She bit her lip, undulating restlessly below him. She pushed her fingers through his hair with one hand and used the other to grab her own breast.

 

"Fuck." He swore. "Shit." He laughed. Her heart raced as he yanked the hoodie up to her armpits. She stretched and pitched the garment off the bed. He kissed her hard and thorough. She sucked on his bottom lip. He tugged on her nipple playfully before skating his fingers between her legs. "So beautiful." He mumbled against her cheek, panting a little bit.

 

"Love you too." They were making out like teenagers when her phone rang. She answered absentmindedly. He sucked on the side of her neck, bent on putting a hicky at the base of her throat.

 

 _"Tell Barba to take his hand out of your pants, I gotta ask you a question."_ Finn said before she could utter so much as a greeting. They both burst into laughter. Rafael put his hands on the bed but kept kissing her shoulder and collarbones. Chastely at least.

 

"You're kind of killing the mood, Finn."

 

 _"What are ya'll bringin' to the Rollins party? I'm trying to get something for Jessie…"_ They had a ten minute exchange about inconsequential things. Olivia was laughing when she hung up, partially at Finn and partially at the man in her bed. He bit down on her hip and she shrieked.

 

"Shhh." He chastised. She rolled her eyes and started to kick her leggings off.

 

"MOM." Noah's voice carried from down the hall. They froze. "I'm trying to SLEEP." The little boy sounded so genuinely exasperated, Rafael was giggling. 

 

"Me too!" She lied.

 

"Go to BED." Noah sighed dramatically.

 

"Don't mind if I do." She mumbled. Rafael got up and closed their door all the way. Olivia put on some soft music and turned off the lights. She snorted at the way the mattress bounced as he got back in, followed by the way his clothes went in three separate directions.                                                                


	24. Kavanaugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some indulgent processing with the squad and other OCs.

"What's the last trilogy you've been that isn't dragging by the end?" Rafael waved a piece of bacon in a mildly threatening manner. 

 

"REC." Gail said, hardly missing a beat.

 

"That's a four part. And Spanish. Doesn't count."

 

"Not immune to sophomore fatigue. Crisis, extension, prequel, fallout. Same shit. The concept still applies."

 

"One might think you're deliberately obtuse."

 

"Fine. Lord of the Rings."

 

"How DARE you." They narrowed their eyes at each other. 

 

"Five dollars to anyone who can name more than two hobbits." Gail bet.

 

Lucy and Olivia were in tears at this point. Rafael and Gail weren't even the most inebriated ones at the brunch table and their film theory debate was starting to attract the attention of patrons.

 

"What the fuck is happening?" Lucia moved the jug of mimosa closer to herself. Noah and Jessie shrieked at her language.

 

"Ease up Mama Lu." Amanda touched up her glass. Sonny and Finn were flushed and laughing with Theo and Devante.

 

They all got the same news alert at the same time. Their phones made a demented chorus. Noah and Jessie were lost in their own little world, slipping out of their chairs to go peak in the fish tank in the corner of the room. Lucy was the first to react, blinking rapidly. Gail cleared her throat and put an arm around her shoulders.

 

"Shit." Amanda mumbled, locking her phone again. Rafael watched Olivia put her hands into her lap. She made two fists. He didn't have the nerve to loosen them, so he slipped a hand around her wrists instead. She gripped his forearm. She wasn't shocked. None of them had the energy to be shocked anymore. Olivia was pissed. Lucia's jaw was set. Amanda drained her glass.

 

"Madness." Sonny mumbled.

 

"I don't know a single woman who hasn't been injured, assaulted, or raped. Not a single goddamn one." Gail said.

 

"I was sixteen years old." Amanda said. Sonny took her hand.

 

"I was thirteen. The first time." Lucy said. Gail hid her frown, kissing her cheek.

 

"Twenty." She admitted, fidgeting with her own shirt. "He sent me a friend request on Facebook last week." 

 

"Twenty four." Lucia cleared her throat, avoiding her son's eyes. 

 

"Thirty five." Olivia said. Sonny was bewildered. Rafael blinked back tears. Finn fidgeted.

 

"I was fourteen." He said.

 

"I was fifteen." Theo echoed. Devante put an arm around his shoulders. Lucy cried. Gail passed her a napkin and gathered her closer. Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose and leaned on Rafael. He pressed a long kiss to her shoulder. The kids came running back and their chattering brought them all back to earth. The moment fractured. The sounds of the restaurant and the corner of Manhattan they were sat on came rushing back in. Jessie very sweetly crawled up into Lucy's lap and started stroking her cheek. Noah looked perplexed at first, but squeezed between his parents to munch on some hash browns that they hadn't finished. Rafael helped him take a sip of water and rubbed his back.

 

"You okay, Mama?" Noah whispered.

 

"I'm okay." She kissed his cheek.

 

Brunch finished in an indulgent manner. The teasing wound down. Everyone asked about each other. Everyone lingered. On the street the women had a moment together, putting their arms around each other. They dried each other's tears and took turns getting kisses from Jessie. Finn squeezed Rafael and Sonny on the shoulders. The three men nodded at each other and slapped each other on the back. Theo and Devante as well. 

 

"Take care."

 

"You too."

 

"Call." 

 

Lucia took Noah back to her room for a nap and didn't come out. Rafael laid down on the couch. Olivia tried switching on the TV but that was a screaming mistake. There was nothing but talking heads and breaking news headlines. She switched it off, sighed, and joined him. He took her into his arms, holding on tight.

 

"My sweet girl." He breathed, combing his fingers through her hair. She buried her face in his shoulder and breathed deeply. "What are you thinking about?" He asked against the top of her head. 

 

"Two steps forward, thirteen steps back." She said, muffled. She turned her cheek against his shoulder, fidgeting with his shirt collar. "We…deserve better. More."

 

"You do." He confirmed. She frowned and took a shuddering breath. She tilted her chin up, fingering his cheek until he was kissing her again. "Remember that sign Gail carried in the Women's March?" She smiled, tweaking his scruff.

 

"I can do this every week motherfucker." She quoted. "She's tired. I'm tired. You have to be too. We're all so goddamn tired." There was a tinge of uncertainty in her voice. It was as unnerving as it was heartbreaking. Marching. Protesting. Calling. Writing. Rinse. Repeat. He pushed his thumb across her bottom lip and kissed her again.

 

"We get 8 to 9 hours of sleep. We go to work. We try again." He didn't have to tell her how important her work was. Nobody did. "I never believed in anything as much as I believe in you. And Gail. And everyone like you. We'll be okay." She tucked herself back under his chin.

 

"Are you ever scared?"

 

"Constantly." She laughed lightly.

 

"You wear it well."

 

"Learned from the best." He went back to stroking her hair.

 

"There's always been iron in your spine." She kissed his neck. 

 

"Funny. I thought I just had brass in my-" She snorted and pinched his stomach. He chuckled.

 

They dozed off at some point. When Olivia woke up the afternoon sun was spilling through the windows. She was facing the back of her mother-in-law's couch, husband still spooned up to her back. She could hear Lucia and Noah giggling and bumping around the kitchen. A half head turn confirmed that the Sunday dinner guests had started to arrive. Gail and Lucy were napping in the overstuffed recliner adjacent to them. Noah shrieked with laughter and all four of them jumped.

 

"Rafi, go get your boy." Gail yawned.

 

"He's only my boy every other week day." Rafael pulled a throw blanket over his head, consuming Liv in the process.

 

"VIEJO." Noah chastised.

 

"Nine to five eastern standard time." Rafael continued. Lucy giggled.

 

"MOM." Noah brought in reinforcements.

 

"He was my boy on Yom Kippur. You owe me a Sunday." Liv said, sneezing as a blanket thread tickled her nose.  

 

"And you thought I was kidding when I said they found you in the zoo parking lot." Gail teased. Noah came sprinting from the kitchen, belly flopping on top of the girls in the recliner to exact revenge. Rafael took the moment to drop kisses on the back and side of Olivia's neck. She laughed at the relentless tickling sensation. Lucia pulled the blanket off them.

 

"Aye Mami!"

 

"Do I need to get the hose? What are you all doing? Come help me with potatoes."

 

"Hey, I bought the rum this time." Lucy said. 

 

"You're excused. For now. Come on. Pep in your step." 


	25. Sweet Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Explicit Content***
> 
> Sex and fluff and all that jazz

She got back from brunch with Finn, Munch, and Cragen only mildly tipsy. Lucia dropped off Noah around the same time after their weekly mass and lunch date and within half an hour mother and son were both napping...on top of him. Good thing he chose to read in bed that morning.

 

Olivia’s cheek was pressed to his chest, both arms lazily curled around his neck. Noah had a pillow propped against his thigh and was hogging the duvet. Rafael had to get creative to turn pages.

 

When his phone rang he sent it to voicemail before the tone sounded. Gail immediately sent a frowny face emoji. It took him a few tries, but he managed to snap a photo of his current predicament by anchoring his phone to his forehead and using the self timer.

 

                 >> G: Room for one more?

 

He rolled his eyes.

 

                 >> R: It’s Sunday, don’t you have homework to procrastinate?

  
  
                 >> G: Exactly. Will you be on campus Monday?

 

                 >> R: Unfortunately. Why?

 

                 >> G: I interview for the PhD program in the morning and you owe me lunch.

 

He grinned.

 

                 >> R: Of course. Drop by my office after and we’ll go someplace nice.

 

                 >> G: xoxo

 

                 >> R: Are you nervous?

 

                 >> G: Extremely. Send pictures of your hot wife.

 

                 >> R: Don’t you have your own wife to hit on?

 

                 >> G: Oh yah!

 

He snapped a photo of Olivia’s incapacitated face anyway. And Noah’s for good measure. Gail sent one back of Lucy dozing on the couch, mouth agape.

 

                 >> R: Think about how far you’ve come so far. Think about how many of us are in your corner, in awe of you. You are a powerful,

                       miraculous woman. Being your brother is one of the great joys of my life. Time to shine your light somewhere new.

 

                 >> G: You keep me sane, hermano. Love you endlessly.

 

                 >> R: Go take your fiancé to bed. Her’s neck gonna cramp if she naps like that.

 

                 >> G: You’re full of good ideas.

 

                 >> R: Tell that to my hot wife. Screenshotting for evidence. 

 

                 >> G: LOL

 

Noah stirred, blinking blearily at the ceiling before smiling fuzzily up at Rafael. He yawned and stretched almost cartoonishly.

 

“Can I watch TV?” He whispered. Rafael cupped a hand over Olivia’s ear out of reflex. She didn’t budge but her nose wrinkled.

 

“Did you finish your homework at Abuelita’s?” The boy nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Okay. Keep it low.” Noah gave him two thumbs up and an exaggerated wink. Rafael swallowed a laugh and returned the gesture. The door slid shut quietly behind him. Olivia nuzzled into his neck and stretched her legs out against his. He stroked her hair.

 

“Mmm thanks.” She mumbled, kissing the underside of his jaw. He tossed his book and phone aside, sliding down a little more deeply into the pillows. She hitched a leg over his hips and pushed a hand under his shirt so she could rub circles on his chest and play with his chain. He slipped a hand into the bend of her knee and held her a little tighter. Her fingers stilled and her body relaxed against his again.

 

“Sweet girl.” He mumbled. She laughed through her nose.

 

“I love you.”

 

“Still drunk?”

 

“Lil bit.” He grinned as she started kissing his neck again, raising her head enough to tease his throat.

 

“If you don’t go back to sleep we’re going to have problems.” He pinched her thigh. She shifted it up between his suggestively.

 

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” She attempted to straddle him but moved a bit too fast, getting so dizzy she had to squeeze her eyes shut and plant her elbows on his chest until the room stood still again. He dissolved into laughter at her expense. She put her hand over his mouth and groaned.

 

“That was probably the sexiest thing I’ve EVER seen.” He teased. 

 

“Be nice. I'm trying.” He pushed both hands under her shirt and copped a feel of her chest while she giggled and dropped her forehead against his.

 

“I’d tell you to shut the door so we can fool around but-” She moved her hand and shut him up with a kiss.

 

“He’s watching Chopped Junior.” She noted after giving his bottom lip a tug with her teeth. “Basically dead to the world again.”

 

“Until dinner time.” He said, flexing his core and sitting upright. She tucked in closer to his body, making him groan. “I was gonna make something nice.”

 

“I was gonna order a pizza.” She giggled before taking his breath away again. “Not that this is gonna take all that long…"

 

“I resent that implication.” He took the opportunity to suck on her throat. She bit her bottom lip and moved against him suggestively.

 

“I’m talking about me this time.”

 

“THIS time.” He snorted, still putting on fake offense. “And as IF I ever let you come just once.” He fondled her through her leggings, using his thumb to trace the crotch seam. She widened her legs and pretended to think about the fact before grinning, unable to tamp down her elation. “Close the door and take off your pants already.”

 

“So bossy.” She huffed. Noah always knocked, but she brought the duvet up the bed with her after shucking her leggings and waiting for him to kick his sweatpants off. She reclaimed her spot on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding on for dear life as he slipped his fingers past her underwear.

 

“Oh…” He appeared surprised. 

 

“What?”

 

“You must have been having a hell of a dream earlier.”

 

“I’m not allowed to just think you’re gorgeous?” She flashed a smile before letting her eyes fall shut, concentrating on the feelings he stirred up with his fingers. He kissed her deeply.

 

“So beautiful.” He mumbled against her lips.

 

“All for you.” She replied, knowing how it made every muscle in him jump. She took the collar of his tee shirt between her teeth to muffle her own sounds as he fingered her through a long, slow orgasm. The minute she could see straight she was pulling him out of his underwear and batting his hand away, pushing him down on his back.

 

“God.” He mumbled. 

 

“He can’t help you.” She teased as she joined them together. He giggled, cupping her hips reverently.

 

“Goddess.” He corrected. She threw her head back and laughed, swiveling her hips just right.

 

“Incorrigible.” His hands were everywhere. Gripping. Caressing. Running up her thighs, seizing the small of her back. Stroking up her abdomen. Pinching her nipple and squeezing her shoulders. He sat up again, kissing her feverishly as it all came crashing down their spines in a hazy, lazy, silent but delicious wave.

 

In a practiced move he had her under him, shoving her shirt up to her armpits so he could kiss her chest, mouthing his way down and finally taking her underwear off. He spread her thighs open.

 

“Oh fuck.”

 

“Shhhh.” He put his mouth on her and got to work. She undulated just like the wrinkled surface of the harbor.

 

“Shit. Fuck.” She whispered to the ceiling as he sucked with abandon. Her chest heaved as light burst behind her eyes for the 3rd time in probably 30 or so minutes. He kissed her face till she could breathe easy through her nose again, combing her hair back with his fingers and cradling her head in his hands. “Now I really need a nap.”

 

“So fucking sexy.” He mumbled, kissing her on the lips over and over again. She rolled her eyes playfully, scooping up his sweatpants on her way to the bathroom. True to habit, Noah was glued to the TV and didn’t so much as twitch in their direction as they took turns cleaning up.

 

He spooned up to her back under the covers in nothing but his boxers, watching her set up their regular Dominos order to be delivered at 6pm. Two large pizzas, one cheese and one pepperoni with mushrooms. She wore the pilfered sweatpants and had stolen one of his clean undershirts for good measure. He brushed his lips across the back of her shoulder.

 

“I love you.”

 

“Mmmm you too.” She replied sleepily. “Should I get that cinnamon roll cake shit?”

 

“Fuck yah.” They laughed. She completed the order and let her phone fall carelessly to the floor. She tucked his arm around her own waist and yawned. 

 

"Set an alarm for 45 minutes. If I sleep anymore I'll wake up feeling hung over." 

 

"These are truly golden years." She knocked her heel against his shin before crossing their ankles.

 

"Don't you forget it."  

 


End file.
